Blog of William Herondale
by Wisterian Princess
Summary: Modern day (obviously) blog of William Herondale, who was given two options by his best friend, Jem. 1, go to therapy to talk about his life problems, or 2, start a blog to talk about his life problems. Guess which one he chose. All-human.
1. The Tale of the Terror Ducks

**(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys! I'm Wisterian Princess. So this story is more or less my first TID story, but I've written crossovers with it before, so I'm not new to it.**

 **So this story is just a basic idea I had, not like my traditional stories because this is second person in the format of a blog.**

 **Also, another note, I'm not British. I'm going to give writing like one a shot, but I'm not entirely familiar with the culture, so please forgive me if I say something wrong XD**

 **Hope you like it!**

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www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . com

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 0

Followers: 0

Comments: 0

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 **The Tale of the Terror Ducks**

 _29/06_

First off, hello and welcome to the blog of William Herondale. First thing you should know is that I am judging you for reading this. In fact, I'm going to mock you. What are you doing reading the blog of a sixteen year old, you pervert?

I'm kidding. You're fine.

I decided to start writing a blog from the suggestion of my friend Jem, though first he suggested I start seeing a therapist. I hated the first idea. I also hated the second one, but I hated it a little less.

Some basic things you should know about me are:

1) I generally do NOT like people. People in general are cruel and unpleasant, so I enjoy mocking them to provoke their tempers. ESPECIALLY if their surname is Lightwood.

2) I'm still in school. And by school, I meant I'm in college.

3) I'm exceedingly charming, witty, and good looking. To those of you readers who are female or male and attracted to men, I say good luck not falling in love with me.

4) My life got a little complicated somewhat recently. I won't get into details about that just yet, because we are still on the first hundred-some words, and that is too intimate a topic for complete strangers to discuss. And,

5) I have a photographic memory. It's not as pleasant as most people think it is. I can't forget ANYTHING, even things I desperately want to forgot. For example, when I was two years old, I was told I was getting a little sister, though being so young I didn't quite understand what was happening. I was outside the delivery room with my older sister Ella when I heard my mother screaming, so naturally, I ran in. That sight is something I REALLY want to forget. I bet my father did, too, because he had fainted at that point.

I'm sure the first question you may have is this: who is this "Jem" character you spoke of? Jem (or "James" if you wish to call him by his actual name) is my best mate. We've known each other since age twelve, and moved here to London from Wales. Jem himself is also a foreigner, though he is from China.

Oh yes, of course. Probably the ACTUAL first thing you were wondering is: What the **** is "the Tale of the Terror Ducks?" Well, that's a catchy title meant to draw you in, because something like "hello" or "welcome" would have sounded snore-worthy. But, since I decided to title it with such an absurd title, I will give you a true story to go with it.

Ducks. Are. Bastards. When I was a small child, as I've told you, I lived in Wales. We had a house there that was out in the country. Very unlike the houses in London, it was not terribly uncommon to have a pond or lake near your home.

Anyway, I was four years old and playing out in back with my sister Ella when we saw some ducks playing in the water near the shore; two ducks and three ducklings. Ella asked me if I wanted to feed the ducks. Being four years old, I could scarcely imagine anything I wanted more, so Ella headed inside to get some bread, instructing me not to move. I did not listen.

When Ella came back outside, I had gone over to the ducks to try and pet them (or some nonsense like that) and the mother duck did not like that one bit. She chased me around my backyard, quaking incessantly while trying to bite me, and I ran away screaming.

So there you have it: I still hate ducks to this day.

That concludes my first blog entry. James is over my shoulder right now INSISTING annoyingly that I tell you that I will be posting again tomorrow, so there you have it. I WILL be posting again tomorrow, whether you like it or not.

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **So what'd you think?**

 **Okay, a couple things for you guys to do if you'd like. I'm looking for something Will-ish to have his URL be. Maybe something funny. Ideas?**

 **Also, if you guys want, you can leave reviews TO Will and I can write it into the blog entries. Just make sure to specify it's for him so I don't get confused XD**

 **One more thing: if there are any betas out there who would like to assist me in doing a better job writing as someone who is English/Welsh, I'd love the help. Thanks!**

 **-WP**


	2. Did I say Lightworm? I think I did

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . com

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 40

Followers: 3

Comments: 0

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 **Did I say "Lightworm"? I think I did**

 _30/06_

I thought I was being terribly clever by lying to Jem (my best mate, as previously mentioned) and saying that I had already wrote and published this bloody thing. Unfortunately, he knows me too well and actually checked my blog to see I only had one entry. I almost got away with it, too. Damn him.

James has recommended that, today, I talk about another story that really introduces the "real Will Herondale." What, the duck story wasn't enough? I'm sure that explained the real me quite beautifully. But alas, Jem is relentless in tormenting me.

I've settled on telling everyone about the ever continuous rivalry between me and Gabriel Lightworm.

It all started when I was twelve and just moved to London. Gabriel was in my class at the time. Well, I got particularly bored with Mr. Barbas's lecture and began drawing things to amuse myself that were most definitely NOT school appropriate. I then proceeded to crumple the paper and chuck it at Mr. Barbas's head. When he turned and demanded to know who did it, I pointed to the boy sitting to my right, who just so happened to be Gabriel. Ever since, we have been sworn enemies and do our bests to make each other's lives a living hell.

My favourite of the pranks I've pulled on him was when I put glue on his chair just before he sat in it. It was thirty minutes through class before be realized, and when he did, he turned red as a tomato. I laughed so hard I got sent to the Dean's office.

There you have it. I hope that helps all three of you to get to know the REAL William Herondale just a little better.

One last note: I have discovered after rereading my first entry that this blogging site CENSORS MY CURSES! I have mixed feelings about this. Let's see which ones it works with! **** **** **** **** ****

Jem made me erase the last one incase it didn't work. He thinks I am too vulgar for my own good, but I disagree. I think being vulgar is a big part of my self expression, and I think women secretly like it, despite always looking horrified when I open my mouth.

P.S. Gabriel, if you are reading this, just know I have no regrets. NONE!

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 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys! I'm glad to see people are liking this story so far. I'm having fun writing it XD**

 **If you like this, you could check out some of my other stories if you'd like, though they're mostly for the Mortal Instruments.**

 **Again, feel free to post reviews addressed to Will and I will put them into the story if you want :) Also still looking for a good URL for Will to have his blog under. Thanks!**

 **-WP**


	3. Jem Has a Secret Girlfriend

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . com

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 254

Followers: 8

Comments: 0

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 **Jem Has a Secret Girlfriend**

 _02/08_

I have a good excuse for not writing until now. Jem has been in the hospital for about two months

now.

Oddly enough, within the first five minutes of him being conscious again, he told me I had to post on this bloody thing. Of all the things, James! He even threatened me when I told him it wasn't important. WITH DUCKS!

I swear, Jem is pure evil.

I suppose what few of you there are want to know why Jem is in the hospital. Well, he's sick. That's why people usually go isn't it? That's all you need to know.

A girl showed up at the hospital when Jem first came in. Funny, he forgot to mention he was friends with said girl, much less a pretty one. Jem pretended to be sleeping today when I asked him about her. CONSPIRACY THEORY: Jem has a girlfriend.

You should see this girl. She was so worried about him. Even held his hand. I almost laughed. Why have I not heard about this before?

Jem is insisting I talk about something else now. He says this blog should have "variety" but I think he just doesn't want EVERYONE knowing about his secret girlfriend.

Alright! What to talk about? How about my little sister Cecy? The most annoying little brat on earth, only second to Lightworm himself. Why? Because she has a little crush on him.

No. Just no. Why must she think a WORM is attractive? He's a worm! God help me, I'm going to punch him in his so called manhood if he even looks at my little sister funny.

Jem is laughing at me. Stop looking over my shoulder, James! I'm deadly serious. No worms for my sister. It really isn't funny. It's terrifying.

On a serious note, I should stop saying things that make James laugh. It's making him cough. He's been in the hospital for most of the Summer now, and I think he deserves more time to have fun before school starts up again. I've written now, so no more can be said, Jem. I'm done.

Now he's insisting I insert a signature. DO NOT MICRO MANAGE ME!

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 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys! Sorry I haven't written in a while. Life got in the way, but I incorporated not writing into the plot, so... we're good? XD**

 **If you want to comment as a reader of Will's blog, go ahead and he'll reply! XD questions, comments, love confessions, etc**

 **I'll post again soon!**

 **-WP**


	4. I Got a Comment (surprised that no lo

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . com

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 326

Followers: 8

Comments: 1

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 **I Got a Comment (surprised that no love confessions have come yet)!**

 _05/08_

COMMENTS and REPLIES:

C: Hey Will, is this girl Tessa?

R: Yes. How did you know that?

xxxxxxxxxx

Yes, it is true. The girl who came in looking for Jem was named Tessa. An American! Can you believe it?! Tessa the American stopped by today, once again looking for Jem. Don't tell Jem, but I watched them through the gap in the curtains after telling them I was headed to the loo.

I'm positive they're dating now. The way Jem looks at the American girl is positively frightening! What if Jem is in love?!

The threat of school is drawing near once again. By the end of the month, I will be cruelly forced to attend. I just hope Jem is better by then and can also go, and is not stuck in this hospital alone all that time. I'm sure even the American girl has something to attend as well.

What else is new...? Jem says I need a haircut. I told him it was not important until he compared me to Justin Bieber. I'm still hurt by this, James! By the next post, I will have short, sexy hair once again. Watch out, ladies.

Tessa has still not left Jem's bedside. They have been talking for quite a while now. When is a good time to step in and tell her that if she breaks Jem's heart, I will set an army of ducks on her? Is that a sufficient threat? We will see.

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 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Thanks so much for the support, guys! It means a lot.**

 **I got a comment for Will's blog finally! Feel free to keep them coming. They help with content :)**

 **Post again soon!**

 **-WP**


	5. Jace Herondale, the American Idiot

**(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys!**

 **I'm really glad you guys are enjoying this story/blog. I love writing it XD**

 **If you guys like this, you might like some of my other stories. Check them out! They're mostly Mortal Instruments stuff, and they're mostly serious (at least more serious than this).**

 **Enjoy!**

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www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . com

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 454

Followers: 11

Comments: 3

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 **Jace Herondale, the American Idiot**

 _07/08_

COMMENTS and REPLIES:

C: I'm sorry Will, but even with your short, sexy hair, I think I still prefer Lightworm. Well, Lightworm's brother at least.

R: HOW DARE YOU?! I am a thousand times more good looking than Gideon Lightwood and at least a million times better looking than Gabriel. And now, I am even more so, after said haircut.

C: Salutations!  
Actually, ignore that. That was strange.  
Hello!  
I'm a frequent visitor of your blog. (That sounds strange too...) Before I make a mockery of myself I must say, no, this is not a love confession. Though I do find yourself quite funny, I cannot say I have been swooned by your charms. (I have a feeling you will mock me for this message, but beware! I shall mock you back!)  
Instead I have left this message to ask of your adventures. You seem to have many of them; and, all of them are quite hilarious. So I have a request for you. If you post more strange stories or peculiar observations I will write a long (and perhaps dreadful) love note for you. Then you can brag to all your friends you have successfully charmed a living person. Not that I am doubting your abilities. Just think of it as more bragging rights to use against the fellow you call 'Lightworm'. On another note, I am sorry your sister has fallen for this supposed... scoundrel.  
Also give your friend Jem my best wishes. I hope he gets better soon.  
If you even read this at all, I hope we have a deal.

R: FINALLY! some sympathy for my sister's unfortunate infatuation. And for the record, I have real people falling in love with me constantly! I bet no one here has done so yet since they have not SEEN me... nevertheless, challenge accepted. I will tell the many tall tales and opinions/observations of Will Herondale.

I have also relayed your message to Jem. He says thank you, and that you are very kind.

I look forward to receiving that love confession (insert the emoticon that looks like a suggestive smirk here (this blog does not allow emoticons. WHY?!)).

xxxxxxxxxx

I swear, the song "American Idiot" was written precisely for my cousin.

That's right, I have an American cousin. He's the THIRD most obnoxious person in the world, right behind Cecy (who is behind Gabriel Lightwood! I should make an official list...)

Jace Herondale. I don't even know how he's a Herondale! He's not even attractive! Although, he certainly acts like he is, and he says he is CONSTANTLY.

Anyway, Jace and Uncle Stephen are in town visiting. Why? That has to do with the "Complicated life" stuff I've been dealing with lately. I will not be talking about that part, though.

Jace is all too happy to be here. He's been non-stop flirting with any even mildly attractive girl in the vicinity. He must be pretty desperate for a shag.

Jem tells me I'm being mean and hypocritical. Am I? I don't think so.

Are all Americans like my cousin? I've never been to America, and the only other Americans I know are my Uncle and Jem's "friend," Tessa.. Anyone reading this blog American? Perhaps you can enlighten me.

Alright, time to insert the funny story! When Jace and I were young children, probably about five or so, he found out about my PERFECTLY RATIONAL fear of ducks. Jace stole bread from our cupboard and very sneakily told me that we should go for a picnic and finally work on our relationship as cousins. Sneaky, evil little ******.

Once we got to the lake, he threw bits of bread in for the ducks. I was terrified, but didn't run (in order to prove my manliness to my brat of a cousin).

The ducks got a little overexcited from getting fed, then came on land and began waddling after Jace to get more bread. Jace backed up, and the ducks descended. They chased him all around the yard until he started screaming and his Uncle came to his rescue.

Serves him right! He, as well as me, hates ducks to this day. HA! Told you! Mallards are bastards.

Ha, that rhymes. Jem says that doesn't rhyme. But it does, doesn't it? Mallards, bastards.

I will be keeping you posted with happenings with my annoying cousin, and with Jem.

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hope you guys enjoyed it!**

 **I love the reviews you guys are leaving for Will. They're awesome XD Feel free to leave more and I'll reply as Will.**

 **Thanks, guys!**

 **-WP**


	6. That Time I Got Pissed And Got A Tattoo

**(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys! Thanks for all the support on this story! :) Hope you enjoy!**

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www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . com

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 577

Followers: 11

Comments: 5

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 **That Time I Got Pissed and Got a Tattoo**

 _10/08_

COMMENTS and REPLIES:

-COMMENT:

Hey Will, I, am in fact, American, and I would like to say, not all Americans are like your seemingly obnoxious cousin. Although, my brothers are a lot like you and Jace in a way. Except one, he's like Jem, totally nice. And for Cece, she's your sister, of course she's annoying, but I'm pretty sure she can still kick your bum. I hope Jem gets better, he's so cute, and sweet. Oh and I was that girl that commented about the Lightwoods and Gideon, and I just want to tell you, you can choke on your sexy hair because Gideon is x100,000,000 better. Keep up the blogs please, I love hearing you tell you adventures and complain.

-REPLY:

WHY DOES GIDEON LIGHTWOOD HAVE SO MANY ADMIRERS?! HE'S SO SHORT!

Apparently, I will never understand women.

And I will pass on your message to Jem.

-COMMENT:

Will,

Hello.

I was trying to make this comment start interesting, but that did not go well as I was distracted. I am American, and while some are douches, not all are as... Arrogant as your cousin. Before you ask, I won't deny it, this is sort of a love confession. You may be wondering how something can be a 'sort of' confession, but here goes. You have permanent awesome sex hair. You also manage to pull of pretty much anything you wear. But your still a self-righteous jerk. It sounds strange, I know, but I have love-hate feelings on you. Also, I'm debating if I like you or Jem better, because Jem seems like a nice person, but you're intriguing. In short, you are a dazzling, arrogant, selfish jerk that I happen to not hate completely.

\- from a non-douchey American teenage girl who is a slight fan

-REPLY:

I like that. Permanent Awesome Sex Hair.

And I love this 'sort of love/hate' confession. Those are some of the best kinds ;)

I'm starting to see that Jem apparently also has a lot of admirers out there. I would have never thought!

xxxxxxxxxx

My cousin is driving me ******* mad. And SO IS MY SISTER! She told me today that she thought Jace and I were very similar. WE ARE NOT! IN ANY WAY! SIMILAR!

Anyway...

Since all of you seem to be almost as concerned for Jem as I am, I figured you would all like to get updates. Jem is doing better. The doctor said he'd be well enough to go to school when it starts back up again. Oddly enough, Jem is excited for it. How could anyone be EXCITED for school?!

Unless this has something to do with Tessa...

Fun story of the day! I'm going to tell you all about the time I got pissed and thought it was a good idea to get a tattoo.

Before you all ask... yes, I'm not SUPPOSED to be drinking at my age, but who follows that rule?!

Jem says, apparently, a lot of people...

So there I was, pissed as a goat (that's a saying, right?) and stumbling into a cab. I told him my address, but on the way there, I saw a tattoo parlor out the window. On a whim, I told him to stop.

I stumbled out into the rain and into the parlor. I'm about 30% sure that the bloke at the front told me to get lost, since I could not prove that I was over 18, because I gave him WAY too much quid.

I woke up at home the next morning, and found I'd gotten a tattoo of Wales right on my bum.

Only a few lucky ladies know about this tattoo. And Jem, but only because I told him! Anyone who thought otherwise is perverted.

That's it. End of story.

I convinced Jem to help me just a little with my next blog, so... he will be doing a little bit of writing in my next entry. If you have anything to say to him (like love confessions (because he's apparently very popular with the ladies), or get well soon messages) comment below!

P.S. MAKE JEM REGRET THIS! (insert smirking emoticon here)

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 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Got requests, comments for me, Will or Jem, or anything else? Let me know! :)**

 **Also, did I use the British slang right? I have no idea. All my limited knowledge of it comes from Doctor Who.**


	7. Jem Answers Questions!

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 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 744

Followers: 12

Comments: 6

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 **Jem Answers Questions!**

 _12/08_

COMMENTS and REPLIES:

-COMMENT:

This is for Jem! I think you are amazing. You (and Gideon) have honestly raised my expectations of men. If only there were guys like you both... Hope you feel better! Sorry you have to deal with Will, as much as I love him, he is a pain. Whenever you get the chance, could you hit him for making that remark about Gideon Lightwood for me? Thanks love!

-REPLY:

Will — I am internationally loved and hated by women, it seems.

Jem — Thank you very much. Yes, Will can be agitating at times, but he means well. He says he's sorry for his remarks and hopes you'll forgive him.

Will — I did not! I didn't say that!

xxxxxxxxxx

I'm beginning to think you people are INTENTIONALLY ANTAGONIZING ME. Rude. Is it somehow funny to proclaim that ugly people are attractive and I am not (and by "ugly people," I am referring to the Lightworms)? Well, I'm not amused.

It appears that Jem has quite the fan base continuously growing. Go James! Too bad he's already got himself a girlfriend.

Speaking of which, Jem should talk a little about his relationship with Tessa while he's on here! She's here in the hospital room with us now. Should I tell her to say hi?

I told her to. She refuses.

I'm going to pass this over to Jem now. He will be telling you this entry's amusing story.

JEM — WRITE YOUR CONTENT BELOW!

Hello. I hope you will all forgive me, but I am not accustomed to writing in blog format. You may have to be patient with me.

I would like to formally thank everyone for all the get well wishes. From the bottom of my heart, thank you. You are all very kind.

I got word today that I'm actually getting released from the hospital the day after tomorrow. It looks like I will be able to attend school this year, for which I am glad.

Alright, here it goes. Since Will has given me the honour of telling the "amusing story" from his childhood, I've selected the one about Cecy.

When Will and I were twelve (about the time when we met), Cecy was ten. We had driven out of the city to go to a carnival for her birthday. Will was put in charge of watching over Cecy while his mum ran to the loo.

Cecily kept asking Will to take her into one of the tents, but he refused since it had an inflatable rubber duck on the top. Naturally, she was upset, so as a rebellious act, she snuck away from Will. He claims to this day that she did it only because she knew he would get in trouble and not her.

Will grabbed me and we both began looking around frantically. She ended up going into that tent, and she ran out crying because she was afraid of the clowns.

And yes, Will did get grounded.

I hope you enjoyed that little snippet of our past. Thank you for supporting William in writing this blog. It's good for him.

Thank you.

James

This is Will. JEM! YOU FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT TESSA! GET BACK HERE!

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey everyone! Hope you like that :)**

 **Keep these comments coming, I LOVE replying to them XD**

 **Thanks!**

 **-WP**


	8. Cinnamon

**(Author's Notes:)**

 **I think I've been going the URL wrong XD oops. I'm changing it to this from now on. If I'm making any more errors, please let me know! Thanks!**

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www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . co . uk

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 793

Followers: 14

Comments: 8

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 **Cinnamon**

 _13/08_

COMMENTS and REPLIES:

-COMMENT:

I hope Jem and Tessa go out! They're very cute together, I'm sure you agree Will. I have a question for you both actually (Will and Jem ). Have you ever had a crush on someone and/or someone had a crush on you that you know about? Besides TARTianna ( lame wink ;) ) everyone knows about that crazy b***.

-REPLY:

I bet Jem and Tessa will go out as soon as Jem's out of the hospital. THEY BETTER!

Yes, I have had a crush on someone before AND people have had crushes on me (obviously). I will tell that story in the blog portion. I will also write in for James.

(P.S. Clever name for Lightwood's sister. I laughed out loud at that one.)

-COMMENT:

Herondale, I am way better than you, look at all the women who chose me over you. Also, STOP CALLING ME LIGHTWORM!  
\- Gabriel  
-REPLY:

LIGHTWORM! YOU LITTLE ****, how did you find my blog? Stalking me now, are we?

xxxxxxxxxx

I did not realize this until rereading my last entry, but it appears as though Jem went through it while he had my laptop and TOOK OUT ALL MY SWEAR WORDS. First the blog filters it out, then him! Why, Jem? WHY?!

I WILL CURSE IF I WANT TO! THIS IS MY BLOG!

Alright, addressing the earlier comment… yes, I have had crushes before. Of course! I am human, afterall. Her name was Cinnamon. I used to see her every day on my way to school. I even dared talking to her a few times. She was beautiful; with long hair, pretty eyes, and luscious legs.

After a few months of pining after her, I was walking to school and saw her with another man. In a rage, I confronted them. That was when I found out she was a tart. (so perhaps her name was actually spelled "Sinnamon")

As for girls who fancy me, I lost track of how many have a LONG time ago. And yes, Tatiana Lightwood was among those girls. Somehow, Lightworm's sister fancied me, then my sister fancied Lightworm. God help her.

As for Jem, he has always been rather reserved when it has come to women. He's rarely shown much interest for any but Tessa. Though PLENTY have had crushes on him. He didn't even notice! He'd tell you no one's fancied him, but it just isn't true. SOPHIE COLLINS! She had the biggest crush on James for the longest time. She still might harbor feelings for him to this day.

Now, I know this entry is a bit short (almost as short at Gideon Lightwood), but I have places to be! I'm taking American Tessa out for Curry to talk about Jem (if you break his heart, I'll kill you and whatnot).

So long, *******.

I'm just kidding. You're all lovely (well, most of you anyway).

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Thanks for reading, guys! Got ideas, comments, things you wanna say to Will? Let me know!**


	9. God Hates Me

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . co . uk

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 952

Followers: 18

Comments: 12

* * *

 _ **COMMENTS and REPLIES:**_

Comment:

Hello Will. I think your stories are very amusing. But in all seriousness. I believe Jem is a million times better looking than you. Sorry it's a true fact. He also is by far nicer. Again sorry. X

Reply:

Of course you do.

Comment:

I DON'T UNDERSTAND JAMES, SOPHIE'S AWESOME, I SHOULD KILL YOU FOR REJECTING HER. *ahem* Will, for another "suggestion" for a story idea, I would like to know if you have ever done anything to sabotage Gabriel and Cecily? Thanks, you sexy, duck-hating, obviously-amazing-even-though-he-may-not-believe-it cutie!

Reply:

Poor James had NO idea that Sophie fancied him. I got quite the kick out of his reaction of reading my last entry.

And no, I've not needed to sabotage them because Lightwood still doesn't really know my sister exits, so we're still in the clear.

And one more thing… I love you, too ;)

Comment:

Cinnamon? That sounds like a stripper name. Though, that seems to be your type... And I thought Sophie was with Gideon?

Reply:

Well, I would think. I'm not sure if you're American, but "tart" is British slang for ***** (if this blog stars that out, it means prostitute).

Sophie with Gideon? That seems like it would be an odd pair.

Comment:

No I was not stalking you! I was looking up people I horribly dislike, to try find out some dirt, and came across this pile of ***. Don't make fun of my sister, anyway, STOP CALLING ME LIGHTWORM, OR ELSE I WILL CHUCK DUCKS AT YOU!  
-Gabriel

Reply:

Evil little ****. I will glue your arse to your seat again, you little worm, then you'll be permanently short, like your brother.

P.S. Tell your sister I said hi. On second thought, I'll tell her when she comes over to my house tonight.

* * *

 **God Hates me**

 _18/08_

Wow, that's quite a few comments. I'm more popular than I thought! See, Jem? I can do this!

Now, today's blog topic: God hates me. Why do I think this, you may wonder? Because today was my first day back at school, and I got assigned to be Gabriel Lightwood's chem partner.

That's right. I'M PARTNERED WITH MY NEMESIS! In fact, in class we got into a shouting match and both got sent to the Dean's. That didn't take long.

School seemed better for Jem and Tessa, though. Jem's glad to be back for some odd reason, and he's showing Tessa around (perhaps he showed her the broom cupboard and THAT'S why he's in such a good mood. It's the only logical explanation).

Ugh. Besides that, **** Lightwood. **** all the Lightwoods (I know you Gidi-girls (what I like to call Gideon Lightwood's fanclub) will be furious at me for saying that, but screw it. I had a bad day. Even girls throwing themselves at me did not make me feel better.).

I don't have much that is very funny on my mind today, but I will tell you that Tatiana Lightwood spilled kool aid on her white pants today. I got quite the kick out of that.

Yes, I know, short entry. I'm sure Jem will scold me for this, but what can you do? I am out of inspiration, James! Blame Gabriel.

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys! Thanks everyone for the support!**

 **So I'll be starting college soon, so I might be busier, but I'll still try to update as often as possible! These aren't too hard to crank out anyway XD**

 **Feel free to leave more comments for Will and he will reply!**


	10. Toupée On Fiiiiiiiire!

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . co . uk

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 1,267

Followers: 20

Comments: 16

* * *

 _ **COMMENTS and REPLIES:**_

Comment:

If Sophie and Gideon aren't together then you should set them up! Who knows?*lame wink ;)* Sorry you had a bad day but at least now you can torture Gabriel! Even though I'm a, what you call, "Gidi-girl", and always stick up for Lightwoods, I believe sometime Gabriel needs to lose or whatever once in a while. He's so tempered and such a hothead. But still, a great guy. And your first day couldn't have been worse then mine! (Not that anyone cares...)

Reply:

Hm. There's an idea… hopefully it'll piss off Gabriel, too if they're a successful couple.

You should start your own blog and vent about your problems. Worked for me! Now, for some reason, tons of people sympathize with my Anatidaephobia.

Comment:

Hey there Will, I'm reading your blog cause there was a monstrous insect in my living room and when I went back to try and kill it was gone, so now I'm hiding in my room with my dog ( wait the little prick left me. So much for loyalty ). I hope the dreadful beast shows up tomorrow so that I can slay it, or better yet, I hope it appears when my mom and my sister return so that they can get rid of this fateful monster. Anyway I just want to tell you your blog is hilarious and even though you are a jerk I like you, more than Jem actually ( Sorry Jem I love you but Will's wittier ).

See you soon, I hope.

Reply:

I recommend a vacuum or fly swatter. Or a bugzooka (yes, that's a real thing. I did not make it up. Google it!).

And thank you… I think. Was that a compliment? It was a very mixed signal.

Comment:

I'm sorry you got partnered with Gabriel Lightwood. I love you. X

Reply:

THANK YOU for sympathizing! And I love you, too ;)

Comment:  
I'm sorry you had a bad day Will! But if it makes you feel better you are my favorite person ever! I may absolutely adore Jem (but seriously who doesn't love Jem) but you will always be the best! You should tell us more about Tessa! I admit Jem and Tessa may be cute but if it doesn't work out you should consider getting to know her better! ;) WESSA for life!

Reply:

What is a Wessa? And what is with the wink?

* * *

 **Toupée On Fiiiiiiiire!**

 _23/08_

TOTAL LOVE CONFESSIONS IN MY COMMENTS SECTION:

4 for me

2 for Jem

0 for Gabriel

2 for Gideon

Ha! Take that, Gabriel.

So this blog finally hit a thousand views! I also looked at graphs (that you apparently can check) and it said that the majority of my readers were AMERICAN! Then a lot of Canadians, and a lot of Brits. Who would have thought I'd be so popular among Americans though? And Canadians! I'm genuinly surprised.

Since I started school again, Lightworm has been a nonstop pain in the arse. We've both gone to the Dean's several times since my last entry.

******* dim witted *****.

Amusing story of the day: that time I set my teacher's toupée on fire.

My pranks have ALWAYS been grand, even back in elementary school. Back then I had a maths teacher that was a total prick, and he got me in trouble all the time. One day, I decided I'd had enough!

I faked being ill one day and stayed home from school, then looked up his address in the school directory. I rode my tricycle to his house, dressed in my most inconspicuous Lego hoodie and climbed through his doggie door. I then went to his closet and stole ALL of his toupées and set them on his front walk. THEN, I sprayed them with insect repellent, set them ablaze, and rode away as fast as you can possibly ride on a tricycle!

As I went to classes again, I noticed him wearing the same one every day—most likely the only one he had left—and it began looking grimy after a while.

I bet if anyone ever knew I'd done that, I'd have been a hero.

Now, I regret to inform you that I must go. I promised Cecily I'd take her to the Cinema.

P.S. Jem says hello.

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys! How is everyone?**

 **So I'm starting college a week from today (insert screaming face emoji). I'm so nervous!**

 **I've written a few other stories if any of you are interested. Mortal Instruments, a couple for Doctor Who.**

 **Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed! Tell me if you have any requests, corrections for if I used British slang wrong, or if you have anything to say/ask Will! :)**

 **-WP**


	11. Will Is Too Distracted To Notice He's

**(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys! I started college today, and I was sick… but that inspired me to write this, oddly enough. Hope you enjoy!**

* * *

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . co . uk

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 1,574

Followers: 25

Comments: 19

* * *

 _ **COMMENTS and REPLIES:**_

Comment:

TELL CECILY I SAID HI SHE'S LIKE HONESTLY AWESOME. AND JEM TOO. HOLY CRAP. AND HENRY, HENRY BRANWELL, HE'S TOO ADORABLE. I must admit, you're a bit mischievous, Will. And I would like to inform you that Wessa is Will Tessa, TOGETHER. I do not ship Wessa, nor do I ship Jessa (Jem Tessa). I ship another group, that hopefully you actually will set up, otherwise I'll climb though the computer and do it myself. Although if I did, I'm afraid I might take Gideon for myself. (Oh no, I revealed my couple, crap! ) I ask that you please refrain from killing Gabriel. Thank you, cutie. Sorry for such a looong comment. If it bothers you, you can go screw yourself. Thanks love! *million heart emojis*

Reply:

You think my teacher is adorable...?

Hold on… PEOPLE SHIP TESSA AND I?! What the ****? Although her face when I told her that was golden! Ha!

Oh, and I'll be sure to pass your number onto Gideon.

Comment:

Hey so you are will, You really sound like Jace but I saw your photo with him on Facebook you totally are prettier than him. In fact, you kind of look like my brother, Alec lightwood. You have got to see us, You will not believe Gabriel and Gideon are our cousins. We are also american and we and Jace go to same school, may be jace has told you about us.

Isabelle lightwood.

Reply:

… what?

AMERICAN LIGHTWOODS?! Those exist? The **** is this world coming to?!

QUICKT! TELL ME EMBARASSING STORIES ABOUT JACE!

Comment:

OMG WILL WILL WILL WILL WILL WILL, GUESS WHAAAAT! OK SO, I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL CUZ MY COUSIN HAD A BABY, AND THEY HAD DUCK-THEMED SHEETS FOR THE BABY! HOW HORRIBLE! I BET THIS IS WHY EVERYONE TRUSTS DUCKS, BECAUSE THEY'RE TAUGHT FROM BIRTH THAT THEY'RE OKAY AND SAFE! GOODNESS GRACIOUS, I FEEL HORRIFIED AND DISGUSTED. WRETCHED MUNDANES.

Reply:

THAT IS HORRIFYING! That poor infant. It shall be liberated from those evil ducks! (how to achieve this… hmmm. Burn the sheets? Give it something suck more cuddly! Like a little stuffed devil!)

* * *

 **Will Is Too Distracted To Notice He's Been Hacked!**

 _30/08_

I am ill today. Very ill. I may die. (Jem says I'm being a drama queen.)

My sister told me I was being a ***** and should just suck it up and go to school, but I cannot! I can't stop sneezing, and my sneezing face is the only time I am unattractive.

Jem has promised to come over and make me soup after school, and I believe he's also bringing Tessa. Although Tessa has been awkward since I told her people "shipped" us. I think it is hilarious.

I told Jem he could not be near me, for he might contract this illness, but he insists that school has more germs than I, so he will be fine.

Speak of the devil! They just walked in.

Xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Hey guys! This is Will's sister, Cecy. I swiped his laptop because I want to know what you guys think about giving Gabriel a letter telling him how I feel… I know Will would not approve, but I so want to! Maybe he'll finally know I exist then.

In exchange for your feedback (and since Will has abandoned his computer to eat Jem's delicious-smelling soup), I will tell you a story about Will! ;)

When Will turned 6, we decided to throw Will a surprise birthday party! Our older sister, Ella, took Will out of the house while we set up… but they didn't know about Will's "phobia" yet.

When Mum asked us what theme we should give Will for his birthday, I smiled innocently up at them and suggested "a duckie theme!" (This, I did for revenge because Will threatened to shave my bear. I forget why.)

Mum and Dad decorated the house (with me helpfully cheering them on) with streamers, rubber ducks, and even a cake with a painting of a duck.

When Ella and Will were almost home, we all hid, and when they walked in the door…

I'm laughing hysterically right now writing this! Will screamed like a little girl! Repeatedly. And I collapsed into a giggle fit.

And I know what you guys are thinking… how do I remember this when I was only 4? Well, it was hard to forget! (why can I not put emojis here? That seems a dumb design. I'm trying to do the laughing/crying face!)

Hope you all liked that story! Comment and let me know what you think! And about that advice… should I write Gabriel a letter? Or maybe just talk to him…?

Ta!

Love Cecy

P.S. Thank you, commenter! You are awesome, too! ;)


	12. The Unicorn Themed Loo

**(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey everyone! Just wanted to say thanks to you all for your support! :) Enjoy!**

 **Remember, any requests, comments (for me or for Will), etc, just let me know! :)**

* * *

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . co . uk

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 1,827

Followers: 27

Comments: 23

* * *

 _ **COMMENTS and REPLIES:**_

Comment:

Cecily, if you were to somehow read this, I think you should talk to Gabriel. I'm sure he'd feel the same way, but might be a bit rude and difficult at first. And it doesn't matter what Will thinks, btw, because I know he'd freak out and such. I hope you feel better, Will! My poor baby's sick... :(

Reply:

DO NOT ENCOURAGE HER DRASTIC AND IRRATIONAL INFATUATION!

Comment:

You should talk to me. Yes, do that, it'll infuriate will. Good on you for scaring him like that.  
-gabrel

Reply:

No. Just no. ******* *****.

Comment:

I'm sorry your sick. Please do not die. It won't end well. I'm sure you'll stay alive. Hope you get better soon. Xx

Reply:

I will do my best with the not dying part. Though if I do die, tell Gabriel I will haunt him.

Comment:

Umm, Will. Well, this is kinda awkward, but, um, the test came back positive. It's yours. And I was thinking we could name him James (yes, it's a boy and your welcome Jem).

Reply:

Yes, indeed, this is very awkward… Which one are you?

* * *

 **The Unicorn Themed Loo**

 _06/09_

How Dare You ALL ENCOURAGE MY LITTLE SISTER TO TALK TO LIGHTWORM?! You are all a terrible influence. You all do not know how terrible Lightworm really is. The last thing I'd want is for my baby sister to be anywhere NEAR that ****. On top of that, do not reward her for highjacking my blog!

Jem tells me I should switch my focus. He thinks I will scare you all away. Ha! If you could be scared away, you'd all have turned tail and ran LONG ago.

So here we go.

I am, unfortunately, still ill. After two days, my father insisted I go even though I wasn't well, so I did. I'll tell you, dealing with ******* Gabriel Lightwood on a regular basis is already exhausting. Do you know how frustrating it is to make witty remarks when you can barely speak? It's frustrating as hell!

Though, on the bright side, I did end up sneezing on him. I hear he's been unwell, too. TAKE THAT LIGHTWORM! You've just been HERONDALED!

Jem and Tessa have been over quite a bit, and I am beginning to see them together. I'm POSITIVE they are dating now. Nice one, James! Cecy says it looks like they're married and I'm their child, since I'm being "babied" constantly. Rude.

Alright: today's amusing tale is going to be about losing my virginity.

It was about a year back. I had gone to this fantastically mad New Year's party and gotten myself thoroughly pissed. It was at one of my random classmate's houses and I'd WANTED Jem to come, but he wasn't feeling well. He told me to go and have fun. When I refused, he threatened to write a love letter to six-fingered Nigel (the homeless man that hangs around behind the shopping center) and sign it with my name.

Eventually, I gave in and went to the bloody party. It was pure MADNESS. It was the sort of party you don't think exists outside of films. There were people swinging from the chandeliers! (At least I think they were chandeliers… hell, they could have been giant troll penises and I wouldn't have know the difference, I was that intoxicated.)

Anyway, so I was at this party, drinking myself silly, when I met this girl. She was a sexy blonde goddess, and we'd hit it off. She laughed at all of my jokes, and was hilarious herself. Did I mention hot as hell?

When the clock struck midnight, we kissed, then continued to talk well after the New Year had begun. When 1am came around, we had slipped upstairs for a snog in the loo (which, if I recall correctly, was decorated with unicorns). Things escalated VERY quickly from there. (insert suggestive smirk emoticon). At some point, we realized that the floor was filthy and she did not want to lie on it, so we moved into the bathtub.

So there we are, fully disrobed, drunk in the bathtub in a unicorn loo… when the door opens. The girl and I freeze, so out of it that we hadn't realized we'd forgotten to LOCK THE DOOR, but also too out of it to think through not saying anything.

The next thing we heard was someone using the toilet, obviously having no idea we were in there. There was about a minute of some bloke whistling to himself while he did his business before the girl finally just shouted: "would you just bugger off already?!"

The bloke who'd come in SCREAMED like a little girl and bolted then and there. I remember laughing like a madman for about ten straight minutes (or something like that)... and then got back to what was going on before he walked in.

Yes, this really happened. And yes, she thought I was ******* fantastic. Unfortunately, the next morning I woke up in the bathtub to see that all the alcohol had made her look about ten times more attractive than she actually was. She was also intolerable while sober, and had very rudely told me to go **** a ***** and **** **** *** ****. Or something along those lines.

Considering how much I'd had to drink, I am still shocked that I remember quite that much of the evening. I'll admit, most of it was a blur, but again, PHOTOGRAPHIC MEMORY. Some things I just cannot forget even if I want to.

So there you have it! The story of how I lost my virginity. Hope this satisfies all your needs to read about my life.


	13. Somehow Still Sick

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . co . uk

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 2,196

Followers: 28

Comments: 25

* * *

 _ **COMMENTS and REPLIES:**_

Comment:

Will? What the heck is this?!  
When Jem told me he got you to write a block for therapeutic measures i was happy, but now that i read this...  
We are going to talk about this, son. Be beware that your mother is going to see this. You now the mother, you told youre still a sweet little virgin boy. The same woman, who once almost killed a priest because he made a joke in church.  
Sleep well, it could be the last time.  
\- Dad

Reply:

Oh please. Like anyone keeps their virginity through college.

Comment:

Great story... very romantic...? But Will, you should get over your silly feud with Gabriel and perhaps think about your sister for once. Like, don't you care about her happiness?

Reply:

Yes, it was highly romantic. Emphasis on the "high." (I think. I'm honestly not sure.)

And whose side are you on?! I DO care about my sister's happiness. That is why I don't want her to go out with Lightwood. He's a ****face.

* * *

 **Somehow Still Sick**

 _15/09_

Jem coughed yesterday. Just once, but I immediately sent him away from me. I sent Tessa away, too. Her watching me is not as important as her watching Jem.

I have no idea why I can't shake this damn cold. It's haunting me, much like Gabriel Lightwood.

Speaking of Gabriel Lightwood, something happened that I never thought would happen yesterday. Some prick was chasing around Cecy, trying to get her to go out with him or something and he wouldn't leave her alone, even though she kept telling him to. I wasn't there, or I would have kicked his sorry arse.

But you know who was there? Gabriel. Gabriel apparently told the bloke off and got him to leave. I saw them both when Gabriel walked my sister home. For a moment, I thought I might have respect for him… but then he opened his mouth and said something stupid. Respect gone.

Not that it was that much in the first place! I don't want you all going mad saying that I like Gabriel Lightwood, BECAUSE I DON'T! He's still a bloody wanker.

And Gabriel, if you are reading this, you better not go anywhere near my little sister again or I will do something horrid that you will NEVER SEE COMING. I guarantee it.

By the way, who here has seen Suicide Squad? I thought it was a tad ridiculous, but I loved Harley Quinn. She was hot, in a freakishly crazy sort of way.

I apologize, but I will be passing on hilarious stories today. I have to write an essay on why breaking the rules in wrong (assigned to me by the Dean. I have NO idea what they hope to gain from this.).

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys! Sorry about the lack of posting lately. I've just started my college classes and have been busier than I thought. And they're not even hard yet!**

 **Feel free to post comments to Will, Jem, Cecy, whomever and "they" will be happy to reply :)**

 **Thanks for your support!**

 **-WP**


	14. Did You Miss Me?

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . co . uk

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 4,036

Followers: 32

Comments: 35

* * *

 _ **COMMENTS and REPLIES:**_

Comment:

Maybe you should go to the doctor if you've been sick that long. Also, I haven't seen suicide squad yet, and I don't really want to. By the way, you're awesome!

Reply:

The only good thing about Suicide Squad was Margot Robbie. Other than her, you're not missing much.

Comment:  
Will, I really really love your blog! It is so funny! I am always greatly amused by your overreacting to Gabriel. Jem, you are awesome and wonderful especially for putting up with Will all the time. I don't know how you do it. ;) love you both so much!

Reply:

I wouldn't call it "overreacting". You have NO idea how obnoxious Lightwood really is.

Jem says "thank you, you are very kind." and "We love you, too."

Comment:

Hey there! I just stumbled over this blog by accident in a crazy internet spiral while I was waiting for the dentist for six hours, and have to say it's hilarious! But didn't you say it was either this or going to therapy? I have to say I struggle to understand how writing a funny blog acts therapeutically – I'm assuming it's about your narcissistic tendencies, or maybe you have anger management issues from being around this Lightworm fellow too much (he seems quite irritating). Does it actually help?

Reply:

You've guessed right! Yes, venting about Lightworm usually DOES help. This was all Jem's idea. I didn't think it ACTUALLY would do a bloody thing.

Comment:

Suicide squad was epic! Harley Quinn was awesome! I loved the joker in it too he was super hot...tho not as hot as you Will ;)

Reply:

Phone me ;)

Comment:

I have to tell you truth. When I first started reading your blog I didn't have very high hopes. But I've been pleasantly surprised. Your stories are very humorous. I hope that this situation with Gabriel will end in your favor. Though I must suggest, especially with the way that he's been acting around her, perhaps he truly fancies her? And if so, maybe he would be good for her, if he truly cares about her. Just food for thought I suppose. I hope you feel better. Tell Jem and Tessa I said hello.  
\- Shadow

Reply:

Jem and Tessa say hello as well.

I do not think the best thing for Cecily would be for Gabriel to go out with her honestly. Not that it would stop her just because I don't like him.

Comment:

Seriously Will? I like Gabriel, so what? It's not like I need your approval. But it would make things easier. Please Gwilym? It would mean so much if you could at least try to tolerate him? He's not a bad guy at all!  
-Your Awesome Sister, Cecily

Reply:

SEE WHAT I MEAN, PREVIOUS COMMENTER?! She does not listen.

Cecy, what part of "he's an arse" do you not get? He's not even good looking! (I'm going to get pummeled by his fan club for saying that, but it is true.)

Comment:

No Will, not all Americans are like Jace

Reply:

Thank God! Jace is a prick. A self-centered, egotistical prick. I don't get why people think we're similar.

Comment:

Hello Will,  
Greetings again from the American girl who is kind of a fan. In response to your last post, I feel obliged to warn you. Mothers are not easy to handle. Mothers are also very... let's say concerned, when it comes to their children's innocence. Beware the mothers. Also, you're are still kind of dazzling  
\- From a girl who is awaiting the next post.

Reply:

Believe me, I know. My mother grounded me for a month after finding out about a few of my adventures.

Comment:

So I've been reading your blog from the beginning though I haven't taken the time to comment until now. Sorry for the late reply. This is perhaps the most amusing blog I've ever read Will. I enjoy hearing all your little stories and hearing about everything that's been going on. For Jem, I just want to tell him that I absolutely love and adore him. He's my very favorite, and if this whole thing with Tessa doesn't work out there's plenty of other choices, ;) Nonetheless, I wish him the best with Tessa. They're so cute together! Sorry you're still not felling better Will. Maybe it's time to go to a doctor?

Reply:

If Jem and Tessa ever break up, I'll be sure to pass your number along.

And yes, I did end up going to see a doctor, but I'm better now.

Comment:

Hello Will. I quite enjoy your stories, they are quite entertaining. Sounds like youre going to be in trouble with your father. Beware your mother, I am a girl, and we can be quite dangerous when provoked. Your sexy good looks will not save you from your mother. She doesn't care how good looking you are. Jim and Tessa are so cute xD I also have a fear of ducks, I don't understand how people can call them cute and cuddly. Gabriel and Gideon Lighrworm, what absolute *****! Do NOT let your sister into a relationship with a Lightworm, it will end in disaster. By the way, don't worry, no matter what anyone says, you're the best, most good looking, sexy person around ;)

Reply:

FINALLY! Someone who understands me! I seriously need to find women like you to go out with. JEM! FIND ME WOMEN LIKE HER!

* * *

 **Did You Miss Me?**

 _28/06_

Yes, I know it's been a long time since I updated this blog. Sue me. It's mostly thanks to school, and I gave Jem the excuse of me "studying," though since I went to a party Friday, he's making me update… and the month I was grounded didn't help either.

Speaking of Jem, he has informed me that apparently people DO keep their virginities through college. My apologies, I was mistaken.

Of course, Jem commenting on this has made me curious. Are he and Tessa…? ("smirky emoji" as Cecy could call it.)

WELL ARE YOU, JAMES?! I'm pretty sure I hear the sound of hearts breaking all across the globe.

I did finally get over that God forsaken flu. Jem says I should thank everyone who said they hope I get well soon… so thank you.

You all didn't miss much. The most recent thing that is NEW with me is my black eye, which I got after making a TEENY comment about Gabriel's hands being awfully small…

No matter. The ladies love battle wounds!

Jem wants me to talk about the date that I went on… I do not want to talk about it. It was terrible. TERRIBLE! Jem thought she was perfectly nice though. I might've suggested he go out with her if he wasn't dating Tessa.

Fine… I'll talk about the date. It can be today's story.

So the girl I went out with, I met at a coffee shop. She was working there… apparently she went to Kindergarten with me or something, though I did not remember her AT ALL (how, I'm not sure).

So she gave me her mobile number, and Jem encouraged me to text her. I did.

Since I apparently "don't know how to talk to women," Tessa tried to direct me on what to say. Before I knew it, I was out of the equation completely! Cecy even took my phone away and did the texting for me (WITHOUT my knowledge. Probably for revenge.).

Next thing I know, I have a date at the Cinema. I'd MISSED the part where she'd said she was dressing up for said movie. Turns out she's a Furry. A FURRY!

Not that there's anything wrong with that, if you're into that sort of thing… which I am not.

So there you have it. I am NOT going out with the girl again (her decision, not mine). But that is fine. I will have plenty of time this summer to go on more dates.

That's all for now. I'll try to get back into regular posting, since James is being so insistent on me doing so.

P.S. Jem, Cecy, and Tessa all say hello

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **I am SO SORRY for not updating sooner! Thanks to everyone for all the supportive comments and such. Your support means alot to me :)**

 **One again, any messages, comments, or suggestions for me or Will, just let me know! Thanks!**

 **-WP**


	15. Ode to Lightworm

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . co . uk

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 4,183

Followers: 33

Comments: 38

* * *

 _ **COMMENTS and REPLIES:**_

Comment:

William, if you're going to have a blog you might as well tell the truth. What else happened besides the incident with Gabriel's "small hands?" -your favorite, Sophie

Reply:

Are you insinuating that I am keeping secrets from all of you? I am insulted! (have you and Jem been chatting?)

Comment:

Hi Will! Commenter from Ireland here! I love your blog, you and Jem. My question (if you don't mind me asking will) is will we ever find out what's Jem's illness is?

Reply:

That is his to tell if he so pleases. You'll have to ask him that.

Comment:

I recently read a book series with some characters that just so happened to have the last name Herondale and Lightwood. And guess what? All their names were Jace, Will, Gabriel, Tatiana, Gideon, Isabelle and Alec. There was also Cecily but I don't know wether to put her in the Herondale of Lightwood section. *wink* *wink* . Coincidentally all of the relationships between people were the same. Except for one... The Will character ends up with the Tessa character? Even though before they got married she was engaged with Jem. Messed up, I know. If is almost as if the author wrote your life as a fiction tale. Maybe you wrote it, but you wouldn't want *ahem* your sister *ahem* to end up with *ahem* Gabriel *ahem*. So beware, Will, you might develop some sort of feelings for Tessa...

Reply:

IS SOMEONE WRITING FANFICTIONS ABOUT ME BLOG?! AND SHIPPING TESSA THE AMERICAN AND I TOGETHER?!

This sounds very amusing. You'll have to send it to me.

* * *

 **Ode to Lightworm**

 _30/06_

Jem is insisting that I'm not being honest enough with all of you (and some of you are too, apparently). How much more honest can I be? I've already announced that I am not a virgin!

Jem says he means "the deep stuff". I assure you, James, no one wants to hear about that. It's boring.

Anyway, summer is beginning once again. Thank God, because school was killing me painfully slowly.

My plans for the summer include: reading books, not seeing Gabriel Lightworm, and spending time with Jem and Tessa.

Oh yes, Tessa the American and I are mates now. Since she is always with Jem, I thought it best to befriend her. It turns out we both like books.

During one of my and Tessa's chats, she recommended that I try expressing my feelings through poetry, just to see if it works for me. So here it goes…

HAIKUS ABOUT GABRIEL LIGHTWORM

1)

Gabriel Lightworm

Makes me outrageously mad

I want to punch him

2)

Gabriel hates me

I glued his pants to his chair

Next he won't have hair

3)

He is a bastard

I wish to get rid of him

Faster is better

4)

Lightworm is a wench

I will hit him with a bench

That would make me smile

5)

Gideon is fine

He's shorter than Gabriel

And has much more class

Are these supposed to rhyme? I'm not entirely sure. Did I at least get the syllables right?

I suppose this does feel better. Thank you, Tessa the American.

Tessa says that was the worst poetry she's ever seen. Well, I'd like to see you do better while writing about Gabriel Lightwood.

So there you have it. You now all have access to the first poetry ever written by William Herondale. You should all feel lucky.

This entry will be brief, since I am headed to the beach today, and I am taking Jem, Tessa, and Cecy with me, and it's a bit of a drive.

How did I get roped into this, you might ask? Well for one, girls in swim costumes. But mostly because Tessa can't drive because American cars are backwards, Jem is not supposed to drive, and Cecily is the world's most horrid driver. She is so horrid that once she made Jem curse! And he never curses.

Jem is denying this, BUT I WAS A WITNESS! He was afraid for his life and he cursed.

P.S. I made a hilarious dirty joke about "the deep stuff", but Jem made me take it out.

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey guys!**

 **Kind of a short entry, I know. Sorry!**

 **If you guys have any more suggestions for stories, events, entry topics, etc., please let me know! Also, if you have anything to say to Will, let me know this, too.**

 **Thanks for the support guys!**

 **-WP**


	16. I'm so Hot I Gave Myself a Sunburn

www . blogofwilliamoherondale . blog . co . uk

 **Blog of William O. Herondale**

Views: 4,318

Followers: 34

Comments: 39

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 _ **COMMENTS and REPLIES:**_

Comment:

"Gideon is fine. He's shorter than Gabriel. And has much more class."

And he got dat a**. Last sentence should've been, "and he's much hotter" instead. Speaking of hot, I actually am hating summer. How could you be happy its summer?! Its FL where I am but it seems like hell. And its boring. I actually miss school. SCHOOL. I MISS SCHOOL. Will, what is wrong with me?

Reply:

I suppose if you do not share a class with Gabriel, then it's possible one might be inclined as to lke school. Possibly. Though there is a slim chance…

Remind me, what's so appealing about it? Even if there IS no Gabriel.

* * *

 **I'm so Hot I Gave Myself a Sunburn**

 _01/07_

Mother ****. That is the last time I go to the beach. EVER. No amount of beautiful women is worth this god forsaken sunburn.

Not to mention that the trip wasn't worth it at all because Jem and Tessa didn't even DO much. They sat in the shade and Tessa read to him. AND, to make matters worse, someone tried to hit on Cecy! I scared them away, of course, by charging at them like a malicious bull. I found that was very effective.

Anyways, I suppose you all want to hear a hilarious story, don't you? It's been awhile since I've posted one of those.

Alright. I'm going to tell you all my great shame. The saggy trousers story.

So you know how, for a while, it was quite fashionable to have your pants pulled up and your trousers hanging at your bum? I am ashamed to say that I was one of those blokes. Those poor, clueless blokes who had no idea that no one actually wanted to see their bums.

Well, Cecy was at the shopping center with me and I was dressed atrociously. I think I was doing something like making fun of her taste in men, because she got particularly cross and decided to step on the hem of my trousers.

You guessed it, I lost my trousers in the middle of a shopping center. Cecy thought it was hilarious. At the time, I did not.

So there you have it: the great shame of William Herondale and his saggy trousers. And although I did not appreciate it at the time, Cecily's prank DID make me stop wearing them. And it inspired me for a prank of my own. You see, Gabriel got into this trend as well shortly after I did…

I'm sure you can guess the rest.

Alright, so I was inspired by this commenter. If any of you think you can do a better job at writing haikus than I, I encourage you to try.

* * *

 **(Author's Notes:)**

 **Hey, guys! Same drill as usual. Got something to say to Will or a suggestion for me? Let me know! You guys rock!**


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